You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. Someone taught me that when I was in America. I have found this to be very helpful in my life. Today I would like to share with you an important lesson and this is related to backstabbing.
Peter was a life and business coach, and he travelled a lot with his work. One day he was at a corporate function and right after his speech a young man approached and introduced himself. Peter thought he was a pleasant young man until he launched into his backstabbing mode.
He moaned and belittled his boss and most of the other people he worked with. He hated the women in his department they were all sluts, the manager would not hire a person he could not have sex with. Within 5 minutes Peter had the dirt on everyone in that company. If he were to believe every word the young man said, the entire company was rotten to the core. everyone except the young man.
The pathetic thing about this young man was that he didn’t even know he was doing what he was doing. this was just part of his normal conversation. Backstabbing was his habit. The sad thing is this young man is not alone in this tendency. Peter sees this all over the country, in most companies. Backstabbing and pulling others down is alive and well. Maybe because people are not aware of the consequences.
There are two good reasons why you should never backstab anyone ever again. First, it sounds terrible and makes you look like a spineless jerk. This young man that introduced himself to Peter never expressed the things directly to his co-workers, he would put on a smile and say nice things to them but as soon as their back was turned he would cut them to pieces. This is really mean spirited and unfair and it only is a poor reflection on oneself to act in this way.
The second reason why this should stop is because this causes you tonnes of stress, anxiety and other negative emotions. The karma you are giving out is purely negative and this will come right back to you in one form or another. You may become ill, have an accident, someone you love may have an accident and if you still don’t stop you may lose your life through cancer or some other terminal disease.
The next time you hear or see someone backstabbing another person, try and imagine how the offender actually feels underneath the confident and secure appearance. How does it feel to say offensive, nasty and inflammatory things about someone who isn’t there to stand up for themselves? What would the offender do, if the person being attacked was suddenly standing behind her and could hear all the uncomplimentary things being said? How would she react?
We all are guilty of doing this at some point in our lives, myself included. But it always leaves you feeling worse than you were before you opened your mouth. You can’t unring a bell. You will have to live with what you said. The man I talked about above was whispering to Peter when he was running down his company. He didn’t want others to hear. Why not? Because then he would be challenged to prove what he said was true.
It is much easier to speak kindly of others, in a respectful tone. Your stress levels go way, way down. You don’t have to worry about others overhearing your conversations or share your backstabbing stories maybe even with the person you are backstabbing. When you backstab someone, you always have to be on guard, you have to protect your secret.
Finally, you lose the trust and respect of the person you are talking to. Even if they appear to be your friend and to enjoy hearing what you are saying, he or she also works in the same place, he or she knows what you are capable of. Eventually, he or she will get around the asking themselves if she is saying this about so and so, wouldn’t she is capable of saying or doing the same to me? They know the answer is yes.
No one bats 100 percent. An occasional comment probably isn’t going to do a great deal of harm or ruin someone’s reputation. But for the good of the whole, it is a good idea to bite your tongue when you get the urge to backstab. Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei