Why you should never backstab

  • By Martin ACTON
  • 24 Nov, 2016
You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. Someone taught me that when I was in America. I have found this to be very helpful in my life. Today I would like to share with you an important lesson and this is related to backstabbing.

Peter was a life and business coach, and he travelled a lot with his work. One day he was at a corporate function and right after his speech a young man approached and introduced himself. Peter thought he was a pleasant young man until he launched into his backstabbing mode.

He moaned and belittled his boss and most of the other people he worked with. He hated the women in his department they were all sluts, the manager would not hire a person he could not have sex with. Within 5 minutes Peter had the dirt on everyone in that company. If he were to believe every word the young man said, the entire company was rotten to the core. everyone except the young man.

The pathetic thing about this young man was that he didn’t even know he was doing what he was doing. this was just part of his normal conversation. Backstabbing was his habit. The sad thing is this young man is not alone in this tendency. Peter sees this all over the country, in most companies. Backstabbing and pulling others down is alive and well. Maybe because people are not aware of the consequences.

There are two good reasons why you should never backstab anyone ever again. First, it sounds terrible and makes you look like a spineless jerk. This young man that introduced himself to Peter never expressed the things directly to his co-workers, he would put on a smile and say nice things to them but as soon as their back was turned he would cut them to pieces. This is really mean spirited and unfair and it only is a poor reflection on oneself to act in this way.

The second reason why this should stop is because this causes you tonnes of stress, anxiety and other negative emotions. The karma you are giving out is purely negative and this will come right back to you in one form or another. You may become ill, have an accident, someone you love may have an accident and if you still don’t stop you may lose your life through cancer or some other terminal disease.

The next time you hear or see someone backstabbing another person, try and imagine how the offender actually feels underneath the confident and secure appearance. How does it feel to say offensive, nasty and inflammatory things about someone who isn’t there to stand up for themselves? What would the offender do, if the person being attacked was suddenly standing behind her and could hear all the uncomplimentary things being said? How would she react?

We all are guilty of doing this at some point in our lives, myself included. But it always leaves you feeling worse than you were before you opened your mouth. You can’t unring a bell. You will have to live with what you said. The man I talked about above was whispering to Peter when he was running down his company. He didn’t want others to hear. Why not? Because then he would be challenged to prove what he said was true.

It is much easier to speak kindly of others, in a respectful tone. Your stress levels go way, way down. You don’t have to worry about others overhearing your conversations or share your backstabbing stories maybe even with the person you are backstabbing. When you backstab someone, you always have to be on guard, you have to protect your secret.

Finally, you lose the trust and respect of the person you are talking to. Even if they appear to be your friend and to enjoy hearing what you are saying, he or she also works in the same place, he or she knows what you are capable of. Eventually, he or she will get around the asking themselves if she is saying this about so and so, wouldn’t she is capable of saying or doing the same to me? They know the answer is yes.

No one bats 100 percent. An occasional comment probably isn’t going to do a great deal of harm or ruin someone’s reputation. But for the good of the whole, it is a good idea to bite your tongue when you get the urge to backstab. Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei

Martin Acton's Aikido Institute

By Martin ACTON 18 May, 2017
In this life we all have problems. No matter how rich, smart, or powerful a person is, we ALL have our share of problems. So if you can accept this as a fact of life, then you won’t suffer as much as you will, if somehow you think only you have problems.

If you face a problem you have several options. You can ignore it, worry about, or solve it.
Worrying and ignoring it will not work in most cases, so the best thing to do is to solve it.
As I have said before, if you get knocked down seven times, pick yourself up eight times. Persist until you succeed. Be bold, strong and commit to success, failure is not an option. Put your focus, attention and all your energy on your goal and let everything else just pass on by. Obstacles measure how badly you really want something.

The poor, the weak, the average person gives up as soon as they see a problem. The rich, the strong and the world class person never quit. Whatever comes good or bad they deal with it and get on with what they have to do.

The strong person responds rather than reacts when turbulent times come. Weak, poor people panic when something happens that they don’t like, want or know how to deal with.
On an average day, they arrive at work and waste all their time being reactive, confused and being part of the problem instead of rising above the confusion, showing leadership and finding the solution to the problem.

Make a difference starting now. From today when you go to work, make it a habit to stop reacting to challenges and become a Master at responding to them. Act with dignity and elegance when the pressures build. Focus on what you can do and don’t waste time worrying about the things you can’t.

Take the initiative. Just start things. Be a go-getter. Produce results while the others are standing like sheep waiting to be led. When it looks like all is collapsing around you, it is normal to feel fear. Just feel the fear and do what you can anyway. Keep moving. Stay calm your intuition will guide you if you listen and do as it directs you. You have the power, know how and ability inside just relax and let it out. Block out all the negative overwhelming distractions and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Success will turn up sooner or later. It is not up to you to decide when it will come.

To lead requires us to be uplifting and inspirational not necessarily with the words we speak, but combining our words and actions. Shine a light on the people you work with and remember everyone needs to be appreciated. Everyday encourage the efforts of others, look for the good and applaud even the smallest positive things you find in a day.

Most people who try to lead make the mistake of criticising and correcting others when they mess up. But this is not smart. A great leader is too busy applauding others when they do things right. A lot of people don’t know how to accept genuine praise. They very well may scoff at it, reject it abrasively or just try to escape from the situation. How the others respond is not of concern. Our main focus as leaders show be to offer sincere praise and to deliver it as best we can, and constantly look for ways on how to deliver it better in the future. Become a passionate celebrator of great work that your fellow workers are doing. Recognise, appreciate and praise excellence. You do not need a badge, title or others permission to do this. Just do it. You will transform your workplace, your co-workers and your own life 100 fold for the better if you apply these ideas. If you do this and somehow things get worse for some unknown reason. you still win because you have made good karma and this good karma can only come back to you.
Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei
By Martin ACTON 09 May, 2017
All setbacks carry with them an even greater opportunity. When a terrible thing happens a fantastic thing will soon follow. Every failure brings with it some wonderful gift that will make you more successful than you would have been if you had not experienced the difficulty. However, you must be focused on finding the opportunities and have the courage to keep going when the hard times come. “When it is darkest you can see the stars.” is an old proverb. Have you taken the time to look up on a dark night and to appreciate the beauty of the stars? It is magical like Disney Land. And it’s free.

Problems, hardships and challenges are simply platforms for even greater, brighter and extraordinary possibilities. The reality is no condition is “good” or “bad”. It just is. How we perceive it makes it so. This means that we have control of the perception. That is fantastic, isn’t it?

You may say when one door closes and another opens. What I am saying is that new door that opens actually offers a chance to bring you to an even more outstanding, remarkable place than the one you were at before you were knocked down. Struggle and setbacks have built the strongest and most powerful leaders. Adversity unleashes noble boldness in all of us if we permit it to.

Getting knocked down, bloodied and discouraged are just parts of the process of doing anything worthwhile, be it business, sports or life in general. We all face challenges that are part of life, like Tax and death. How quickly can you stand up, brush yourself off and get back into the fight makes the difference between the homeless person on the street and the multi-billionaire. Successes easily achieved are usually hollow victories that hold little or no real substance. You always feel much better, walk taller, and feel more satisfied when you have had to give your blood, sweat and tears to gain the most valuable victories.

Strong people look at obstacles as blessings in disguise. Helen Keller wrote
“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”
It takes time and practice to think like that.

We all have bad days when our demons come and we feel hopeless, afraid and doubt we can do anything. Being honest about those times help us to have empathy for others that are also struggling, scraping by and suffering just to make a basic living. A secret to dealing with these negative things is to give words to them. As soon as you attach a word to your fear it loses its power on you. Joan Baez said it perfectly
“Action is the antidote to despair.”
Keep moving forward. In a difficult situation just stay in the moment. Keep making the smartest choices you can and keep taking as much action as you can. Act your way out of adverse conditions. Every single positive action must yield a positive consequence, even if you don’t see it immediately. This is a universal law.

Sometimes to be successful isn’t about making the correct decision, it is about making a decision. Then moving forward elegantly and quickly. Sometimes you will find that making no decision is a decision. Sometimes you will be blindsided and frozen in change just standing and letting it pass is a decision that works. Always keep going forward. The Japanese teach “ Get knocked down seven times, get up eight.” Even when you feel like hell and just want to curl up and die, keep moving forward. When you don’t even know if you are going in the right direction, keep moving forward. Forward motion has power! Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei
By Martin ACTON 02 May, 2017
If you want to be really successful you need to focus on doing great work and being world class at what it is you do. Top class performers produce results by developing a burning desire to give 100% to the work at hand. They are addicted to building exceptional organisations that offer extraordinary services and products to their clients and customers.

They are obsessed with growing, pushing the envelope and constantly looking for ways to improve in little increments. Compared to the mediocre people, or the company that does not care at all about the customers, which bombard them with too much information and too many choices. Top class performers focus on the needs and work smart at making sure their people are well taken care of.

Average people think about getting things done, regardless if it is correct or not. If there is a problem then someone else will fix it. Everyone passes the buck and very few if any put their hand up and take responsibility. They work aimlessly, running here, there and everywhere and achieving very little. It’s very easy to lose focus, to be busy doing things instead of being productive creating smart results. What is the use of investing valuable time, resources and effort into useless pursuits?

Top performers think constantly how to move from chaotic complexity to elegant simplicity. They don’t want to be wasting the three most precious resources time, talent and energy. They focus on doing the right things at the right time and real results. Top performers stay staggeringly focused on the biggest To Dos. They don’t let themselves be sidetracked with low impact activities but focus on the high impact activities. The results are always much better.

Cut away all the trivial stuff, use every moment of your time doing only the things that will produce the best results. Do fewer but better things. 80% of the results you produce come from 20% of your activities. Become exceptionally economic in your actions, do the few practices that generate the majority of your results and learn to do these really, really, really well.

If you apply these ideas to your life you will move away from days filled with stress and complexity to hours rich with productivity and simplicity. Unbelievably, because you will be doing fewer things much better, the result will be you will actually have more time. You can then use this time for your family, hobbies etc. Overall this will lead to a happy, fruitful and worthwhile life, and who does not want that right? Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei
By Martin ACTON 27 Apr, 2017
To be a strong person does not mean to be rough, tough and in another person’s face. Words have power and they can really hurt and damage sometimes even more than a punch or a kick. So be careful what you say because you can not take the words back. No matter how many times you say sorry! The damage has been done. It may be forgiven but it will not be forgotten. Look back on a time someone hurt you, it may have been 30 years ago, but you can still remember it as if it happened a few hours ago.

A strong person uses his words to inspire the best in others and to motivate them to become even better. The world class leaders use positive, supportive and encouraging words that entice others to do spectacular things they would never have done in their wildest dreams. Look at what Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. were able to accomplish with the power of their words.
Your words can lift a person into Heaven or put him into the deepest, darkest and terrifying pits of hell.
A person joins an exercise class he has never been to before, The teacher pushes him way past his limitations, shouting negative things to embarrass and insult him.”Push that leg into the wall, tighten this, breath deeply you are too …. stiff, hard, etc. In all my years as a teacher, I have never seen anyone as bad as you!” How would you feel if you were this student? He has paid for the lessons, do you think he will like class and the teacher? When and if he finishes the course do you think he will sign up again for new classes? Why do we abuse other people like this? This way of teaching does not produce positive results it only discourages and crushes the confidence out of a person. Then the teacher puts more pressure on by saying you have mental problems and need therapy. What kind of therapy is not said clearly. So the student falls into an even deeper state of confusion.

Yes be candid and say what you think and feel. But why not say it is a way that will build the person up instead or breaking him down.
A lot of business people talk too negatively. If a person is slow, makes lots of mistakes the leaders quickly judge and say things like “Why are you so stupid? I have been watching you and for twenty minutes you have been standing, looking at the items on this shelf instead of packing the items out. You better start doing a faster better job or I’ll ……… you!” Maybe the person was thinking how he could make the shelf better, to make it easier for people to find a product.
These people think that by talking tough that they will produce big results. Does it work? Maybe for a very short time. But soon the other person will quit, find a way to hide the problem or maybe turn and knock you on your condescending ass.

You will get what you want by speaking encouragingly, positively and patiently. Master communicators understand that it is all in the way you use the language.

Your own words also influence your own state of being as well. They determine how you feel. If you call a challenging situation a “disaster” this will generate a negative emotional response within you, compared to if you say this “splendid“. Your words say more about you than you may realise. You show others how you respond to setbacks optimistically or pessimistically. You are verbalising your beliefs. This drives your behaviour and in turn create all your results.

World class leaders are truly impeccable with the words they use. They don’t gossip, complain or condemn. You will never hear them swear! I listen to some people talk and every other word is f_ _ _ k. World class leaders make their best effort each day to only use words that engage, elevate and inspire, not only the people around them, but also themselves. Refine your vocabulary it can improve your life is so many ways. Using world-class leadership vocabulary will improve your energy level, passion for excellence, and the pace of innovation. Your words have an impact on the others around you. By using world-class vocabulary the whole culture of your organisation improves. Where your words go the energy flows! To become a world class leader you need to develop leadership vocabulary. Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei www.martinactonaikido.com
By Martin ACTON 20 Apr, 2017
The world needs leaders that can lead by example, solve real problems and really take responsibility to get things done. Now is the time to either produce substantial results or to get out of the way and let new people do the job. We have enough talkers who produce nothing, then spend more valuable time justifying their lack of abilities and results. We need Action men and women, not more procrastinators.

As a leader in the present times, we need to think, act and to speak differently than other incompetent leaders. We really should speak less and act more. When we do speak our words should have the power to make other people listen, to inspire and motivate others. This can be done not by shouting empty promises but by speaking more candidly but with respect, simply and straight to the point. In changing, confusing and dark times it is so easy to hold back on candour and just ramble off at the mouth. Talking in vague generalities and saying absolutely nothing. Resulting only in prolonging the problems and causing more suffering, frustration and mistrust. We have to tell it like it is! Not give meaningless speeches that avoid confronting reality.

If a job is dirty, painful and needs to be done, the longer we procrastinate the harder it is to get it finished. No one likes this kind of work but somebody has to do it. For a business to succeed in the future the management needs their people regardless of position to be forthright, honest and to deliver the naked truth. This will be a pill that is hard for a lot of people to swallow but the results will be what everyone hopes for, that is to be able to trust and respect each other. To know that everyone is committed to giving their absolute best twenty-four seven. That we all behave with integrity and courage and to always know exactly where you stand. No hidden agendas. No backstabbing. No more rat race games.

To be a modern leader we have to step up and have the difficult conversations that the weaker and less competent shy away from. A modern new age leader needs to communicate in a way that is both direct and stunningly real. The truth does not need to be coloured. At the same time not be afraid to roll up their sleeves get down with the staff get their hands dirty and do the job together. If a leader can walk this walk all the staff will do the same and that will be a fantastic place to work and to do business. Face the difficult conditions and resolve them together as a real team.
A company will never become world class if its people are afraid to tell it like it is, to speak candidly and just live amid fantasy and delusion.

Talk and listen to the people in the company face to face. Never send an email when you can walk over directly and express your ideas, wishes and wants. This will make each person feel valued, important and probably get better results because if they don’t understand they can ask you. Spend time with your customers, add the personal touch. If you treat each customer as if he or she is the most important person to your company and make that person feel appreciated and that what he/she says is important. This will really have a huge positive impact on your business.

Share accurate information, hope and serve people in a friendly way. This is what you are paid to do. Remember you can say whatever you like as long as you say it with respect. Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei
By Martin ACTON 11 Apr, 2017
Everything that has happened in your life, especially the hard times, the lonely times and the confused times were necessary to make you into the superb person you are today. Now the question I have for you now is, are you ready to take a leap into the unknown and become the leader that you truly are? Are you going to step up from now and be a hero?

The military has great slogans “Who Dares Wins!” “The Few the Brave and the Proud.” “Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.” “ Pressure makes diamonds.”
These motivate men and women to serve their country and sometimes make the ultimate sacrifice for it. I am not saying you need to die to lead others. I am saying make a commitment to live each day growing and helping others to become the best of the best on a world level. Pride yourself in having a mission and go forward with steadfast dedication to accomplish it. This is how top class U.S.A. Marines think and act daily. The greater the risk the greater the rewards.

Difficult times only feel bad! The purpose is to toughen us up, to connect us to our dormant potential. In these times, of course, we feel confused, uncomfortable and afraid. However, the main lesson we are being taught is that the conditions that challenge us the most are the ones that lead to the greatest growth, and to our most fulfilling achievements.
Brave people also feel the fear but they continue to act anyway in spite of the fear.

All the best leaders in the world and in history understand deeply that anything that helps you grow and expand as a person is a very good thing. To develop yourself and your leadership skills is a very smart survival tactic, especially these days.

Things often have to break down before they can be rebuilt on a higher and much better quality. To get a breakthrough you need to go through a period of breakdown. As you move from all you were to all you can become, from your past way of working and doing things to a better way of performing, you are going to be in a state of unknowing for a while. Being out there in the wilderness of the unknown will bring up your greatest fears and your limiting and un-resourceful beliefs. You are going to meet toe-to-toe your deepest insecurities, self-doubts and limitations. Remember this will pass. You are moving forward growing, expanding and embracing deep change. This process is how we develop new skills and our natural leadership potential. The old foundations are breaking up and it is frightening, very uncomfortable and feels unsafe. But it is only a feeling. Nothing is bad, wrong or going to kill you. These foundations need to be broken down so better foundations can be constructed. Change works this way. Out of the chaos always flows order. Dive into the change process even if you feel the fear, and you will come out of it at a new order that is significantly better the one you were in before you made the transition. Breakdowns lead us to breakthroughs as long as we don’t quit.

Every day do the thing that frightens you the most and you will transform the fear into power. Keep going into the discomfort zones and take the intelligent risks. This is how to build self-confidence and to become invincible. Push the envelope, the risk, the limits.
Embrace change with wide open arms. Go for the biggest opportunities this will feed your inner leader and will bring you to that place where anything is possible. Just do it! Even if you are petrified being out there on the edge, embracing all the change, it is the safest place you can be. It is the only place where real leaders hang out. It is also a place of super white heat intense freedom. All your fears that are holding you back as a leader and as a person are just the lies you have sold yourself. Stop feeding and investing in them. Life is too big to play small!

Being scared gets you nothing and nowhere. Successful people create success no one is going to knock on your door and hand it to you. You create real success by taking bold risks and seizing opportunities as they come your way. Focus on watching out for these opportunities then you will find more of them.To play on the Master level you need tougher challenges this will give you a tonne of discomfort. But no discomfort means you are regressing on autopilot. This leads to being a failure at life. Your goal is to reach your full potential. Dream the dream you want and step into it.
Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei
By Martin ACTON 06 Apr, 2017

Tough times never last, but strong people always do. A strong person looks at the problem, challenge or difficulty and thinks how can I deal with this? What are my options? How can I turn this mess into an incredible success? Hard conditions are just opportunities for you to become a hero! These stretch you and help you grow. Once you are stretched you stay stretched. So when you are in a tight spot, be grateful and ask, what can I learn from this?
Great leaders emerge from turbulent times.  

If you plant a tree, the best way is to dig a very deep hole and place the seed into it. When the seed is put in, it feels cold, isolated and everything is pitch black. But with time, water and sunshine the little seeds grows stronger and stronger it develops deep roots that make it impossible for a grown man to pull out with his bare hands. One day this little seed will grow into a magnificent specimen of a tree that will last for 100’s of years. On the other hand if you just move the soil a little above the surface and put the seed in. It will not develop the deep roots and it will be very weak. If a strong wind comes it will either blow away or it will up rooted, or if it does manage somehow to grow it will bend and break. Either way the second will be a poor specimen and require lots of help or it will die. Which do you choose to be the first or second tree?

Realize that life is unpredictable there are no guarantees for anything. How do you know that you will live to see tomorrow? Especially in business these are very uncertain times. I hear people talking about plans for three months from now, we are going to ….. Really? Can you 100% promise that will happen? Of course you can’t. No one can. So don’t fall into the trap of living in the future. Now is all we have! the past is gone and the future is an illusion. Your power is in the moment.  

What is going on now in the business world is incredible! Everything is so chaotic. Everything is being turned upside down and changing. What was right is now wrong and what was supposed to be wrong is now right. Confused? Welcome to the club. Competion is more fierce now than in any time in history. Customers a more fickle and less loyal. For those companies that don’t man up and start raising their staff to lead and to take responsibility and to know that he / she has the support of the company behind them, will be left in the dirt. It is a frightening, stressful and confusing time. However for the brave at heart the opportunities are limitless. You need to face the fear, uncertainty and the unknown and do what you have to do. Move into it instead of playing it safe and pulling back. Go into the change, let it come over you like a wave, stand your ground and see what happens. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.! You will toughen up and become a force to be reckoned with. If you resist that thing will persist, but if you befriend it , then this thing that is frightening you will lose all its power, and you will transcend it. Be like water, adapt to the situation. New conditions require different techniques.

A leader is not someone who knows the way and never makes a mistake. He / she is the person who is prepared to take a step without knowing but learns from every experience. You could not tie your shoes when you came out of your mother’s womb could you? But with time, practice and messing up a lot, now you can do it even if you were blind folded. Can’t you?

The brave stand. They deal with the fear before it overcomes them. When you are uncomfortable, unsure, nervous, you are outside your comfort zone. Most people stop, freeze, and look for the escape hatch. I say run into the confusion, the difficult circumstances are scary but also exhilarating. A real leader knows that the best time to lead is in hard times. The more extreme the conditions the more excited he becomes because he can see what he is made of, and he gets to step into his greater self. The rewards will soon follow such bravery. Even if the relative success is slow in materializing it does not matter, because he / she knows that he had the courage to do what others were to afraid to try. When you live and work like this, the things that filled you with discomfort become less and less. Eventually you face fear and go into it without hesitating just like you were going into a shower. Get the clothes of, get in there, and cleanse yourself. This is what dealing with fear in this way does, it cleanses, purifies and makes you strong.  

Learn to become comfortable with discomfort. World class leaders do things everyday to stretch themselves and that causes them to confront their limitations. You can only grow, develop and progress when, you have nervousness in the pit of your stomach and discomfort in the core of your body. The majority of people in society teach us that feeling uncomfortable is a bad thing. It should be avoided. This results in us playing it safe and staying small, ignorant and unfulfilled.We stay within our routines and daily tasks, this makes us feel safe and at home. The problem with living like this is that because we cling to the safety of the harbor of the world we know, there is no chance for us to experience adventure. We fail to conquer new lands, and never summit to our peak. A tragic way to live is resisting opportunities that change brings, and it is also the saddest way to die. To have been born but never to have lived is what quitters will have to deal with at the end of their lives. It is not that things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult!

Anytime you try something new, it is going to feel strange, weird, different. Going into growth and change is bound to feel strange, but this is a very good sign. You are wiring in new patterns of thinking and acting. New forms of knowledge are being installed. You are pioneering new areas and expanding your personal frontiers. How great is that? Until next time I wish you peace, love and success!
Martin Acton sensei

By Martin ACTON 30 Mar, 2017
IF SCHOOL DOESN'T RESOLVING BULLYING
What to do if the school doesn't resolve the bullying
If you have already complained to the school, find out what your next steps are
Unfortunately, many parents find that bullying continues after they have asked the class teacher, head of the year or head teacher to sort it out.
Contact the governors about bullying
After a written complaint to the head, the next step is to contact the chair of governors. You can get his/her name from the school office. Write to him/her at the school address. Explain the background and enclose any letters between you and the head. Ask for an immediate investigation. It's unlikely that all governors will be made aware of your complaint.
This is because many issues are dealt with as 'Chair's Action' and the chairman may hope to get the matter resolved with the head teacher quickly. The other reason not all governors will be made aware of the complaint is because the matter may escalate into an exclusion of the bully and if that happens the bullied child's parents will have a right of appeal and there need to be some governors without prior knowledge of the case.
When you complain to the chairman, send a copy of your complaint to your local councillor and ask for a meeting with him/her. Political parties have representatives on school governing bodies and if your local councillor is not one of them, he/she will have contacts who are.
Ask for a copy of your child's school record
The governors have a legal obligation to provide this within 15 school days, excluding weekends and holidays, but you will be asked to pay for photocopying. (There is further advice on getting a copy of the record in the section on that topic). This is also the time to start asking questions of other parents. Your child may not be the only bullying target and you may find other parents are keen to back you up in your complaint.
Complain to the LEA
If this doesn't work, the next step is for you to make a formal complaint to the Local Education Authority (LEA) and ask for an investigation to be carried out and a report issued. In fairness to LEAs, it should be said that where pupils are removed from one school to another due to bullying the LEA would not necessarily know about the problem unless parents tell them. They do not need to be involved in a school transfer unless there is an appeal for a place.
Ask the LEA how many other complaints of bullying have been reported to them involving the same school. Ask if the education welfare officer (education social worker) has been involved. She has to visit pupils whose parents have removed them and who are at home. This may prompt LEA officials into asking if the school has a problem if there have been a series of complaints.
Taking matters further
If you do not feel that your concerns have been properly investigated you can complain to the Local Government Ombudsman - who cannot investigate the internal workings of schools but can look at the LEA's role in investigating your complaint. Also, make sure you contact your MP.
Your final recourse is to the Secretary of State, at Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, Westminster, London or at the DFE, Castle View House, East Lane, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2GJ where your complaint will be dealt with by the Pupils and Parents branch. Officials can only order action to be taken if your child is still a pupil at the school, so if he/she has been removed, there is unlikely to be anything the Secretary of State will do.
If you feel your child has suffered the trauma of bullying and may find it difficult to return to mainstream school, you may want to find out more about Red Balloon. They provide an 'intensive care' full-time education for children aged between 9 and 18 who are unable to go to school because they have been severely bullied or who have suffered trauma. Moving schools because of bullying may be another last resort option to consider.
This information was fond at www.bullying.co.uk
It is a very good website and you will find useful practical tips to help you deal with this serious problem.
We offer Aikido Children's classes 6 days a week to build your child's confidence, teach him/her how to deal with bullies and inspire the child to set and achieve goals. The first lesson is free. Martin Acton's Aikido Institute, 100 Church Street Dromore BT251AA Tel:078-69402588 
By Martin ACTON 24 Mar, 2017
In the fast-paced world, more and more people are forgetting ethics. They cut corners justifying it with statements like “Do more with less. Don’t waste my money!” “Why give more when it is only coming out of my pocket?” They go after the short term, the quick buck and don’t think about the long term effect. These people are all about themselves, Get, get, get! Take, take, take. Me myself and "I" is their main focal point. What happened to excellent ethics, good manners, and the awareness that when you are honest, reliable and others-oriented this is not only good business, it is actually extremely good for business. You will never, never, never go wrong when you do what's right! Success lies at the intersection where excellence meets honour.

Nothing is more important than being honest, highly dependable, being on time, and treating people the way you want others to treat you. The way you do anything is the way you will do everything, even one breach against our ethics will contaminate everything we touch. Your reputation is one of the most valuable things you have. Never do anything that will tarnish the integrity that you will establish as the natural born leader that you are. Stay consistent with your values and protect your good name like you would the crown jewels. People will be drawn to you based on your reputation. With Google, Facebook, Twitter and so many other avenues of social networking it is now possible for the average, normal, Mr anybody to grow a massive worldwide following around them. With a simple keyboard you can let the world know who you are, what you have done, and the things you stand for. This being reality we have more responsibility and a duty to maintain a pristine name and guard your personal brand by being impeccably ethical. Be exquisitely honest, say what you mean and mean what you say. Be ferociously humble. Think of the people you most admire and work with the same strength of character that these people possess. Integrity always leads to fantastic rewards. Live by a creed and be courageous to ensure that your actions reflect that.

We all have what it takes to lead. It begins with you and the choices you have the power to make. Leadership is not a soft skill that you use once in a while to get your performance goals or to win a motivational contest. It is so much more than that. It is about expressing our absolute best as human beings, to not only improve our own lives but to also elevate the lives of all those around us, from our work colleagues to the customers we are privileged to serve.

To be the best of the best we need Innovation, Mastery, Authenticity, Guts and Ethics. Every day we have a choice to apply these to the way we live the day or to go into the automatic mode and just cruise and be an irresponsible victim that is controlled by outside forces. Make a decision now to stand up for the new person you want to become, and take the responsibility in work and in your personal life to drive positive change as the leader you are destined to be. Get the IMAGE in your head and step into the image. WOW! You look exceptional, next stand up straight, smile and let the world see how truly magnificent you are! Today is the day, now is the time you are the best of the best, and nothing or no-one can stop you from achieving what to want. Relax and let your creative mind show you the way things should be done.

A leadership quote to remember: Money, influence and position are nothing compared with principles, brains, energy and perseverance.

Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei
By Martin ACTON 14 Mar, 2017
A client came to me one day and asked if I could help him progress through the Aikido curriculum faster than what he had been up to now. He had already been doing Aikido for a few years and was not bad. He told me he had a goal that he wanted to achieve a certain level by this fixed date. I agreed to help him because I liked his attitude, his hunger to improve and to stretch himself more than was required.

As we got into the techniques I found many bad habits he had acquired. His foundations were full of cracks and required tearing down. He was not happy to hear this as you can imagine. It was an extremely frustrating, humbling and stressful time for this person. He felt he could do nothing right, and all the time, money and effort he had invested in Aikido up to now was a waste. So I asked him did he want a superficial fix or to deal with the problem and become a world class Master? He said, of course, he wanted to become a world class Master but he felt depressed, overwhelmed and full of insecurities. He was focusing on what he didn’t want. So we had him examine what he did want, his motives for wanting it, and the price that he would have to pay. At the end of the first week, he was as low as he had ever been in his life, by the second week he was at a deeper level of understanding his path and Aikido. I would teach him a technique and fantastic new skills to apply but this disrupted the way he had been doing Aikido before I taught him. He felt he was being asked to jump from the top of the Chicago Sears Tower. It was so difficult for him. He needed to change his thinking process and to act differently to get to the next level of excellence. I would say 98% of his time with me at this stage was full of confusion, self-doubt and negative emotional content. A key that he needed to learn, as we all do, is that we must be patient with the changing process. Also to keep going.

By the end of the fourth week, he was motivated, positively charged to excel and integrating some new concepts. He was starting to break through. He found the process of change is a chaotic experience. However, if you persist and are patient you will achieve what you want.

After the seven weeks we were progressing through a large number of advanced techniques he had never seen before and every day I would arrive to find him waiting excitedly for me. “How are you going to stretch me today Sensei?” Would be the first question out of his mouth. with a huge smile and sparkling eyes. I loved his enthusiasm.

On the days he wanted to quit, felt he could not do it and wanted to go back to being average like everyone else, I asked him if he remembered about the price he would have to pay? This was the price. He was willing to pay it. He showed that by sticking with me, trusting what I asked him to do, and doing it the way he was shown exactly. He came to a point when things clicked into place like a jigsaw puzzle.

After the eighth week, his Aikido reached the world class level, beautiful to watch, gentle to the eye, yet Ki power flowed through every move he made. Looking at him you would have thought he came out of the womb living, breathing and doing Aikido!

So what did he learn? Changing is confusing, frustrating and painful emotionally and sometimes physically. You are going to be stretched mentally, physically and spiritually. You have to be patient with the process and persistent in what you are doing and you need to give yourself time to change. It will not happen immediately, in 5 minutes, or because you wish it to. The student walked his walk, achieved his goal in the time he set and went on to become a world-class Master. Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin sensei
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