All uncomfortableness, and all suffering irrespective of the representation, is the result of us resisting something. When we are attached to things being different from how they are, we are applying a losing strategy. When we change our needs and attachments to preferences, we can then release the need for control over the uncontrollable.
Soon after, when what is
is not what you want it to be, you do not suffer over it. Events and other people no longer have control over your happiness and peace. The way out of suffering is to just let whatever happens be okay!
Those of us that live by rules, have-to’s, musts, are more likely to suffer more regularly because no matter how hard these people try to protect their rules, and get others to follow them, the rules will sometimes be broken. The more rules you have, the more inflexible the rules are, the higher the chance of them being violated, the more you will create suffering for yourself.
What exactly are we doing when resist something? We are making internal representations ( internal pictures, dialog, sounds, as well as other representations of sensory experiences).
These can be divided into two general types: what we want, or what we don’t want. When we resist something, we are creating internal representations of what we don’t want. These negative internal representations automatically produce negative emotional responses (simply put, suffering), this is why resistance feels bad.
Learning to let whatever happens be okay means, partly becoming aware of those times when we are making the internal representations of what we don’t want, then shifting our focus to what we do want.
Letting whatever happens be okay, does not mean you cannot be goal orientated, or you can’t work to make your desires into reality. It simply means that when things don’t go the way you want, you do not have to suffer. You work for the outcomes you want , but are unattached to the results.
It also doesn’t mean that you don’t care about other peoples suffering, or the wrong doings going on in the world. It simply means you do not suffer emotionally as a result. You replace your suffering with a deep compassion for everything. When you are not stuck in your suffering, but rather moved by compassion, you come into a place of knowing what to do, you have the conscious awareness, and presence of mind to act appropriately and effectively. You become efficient, your efforts to change things become more effective, because you are better focused and more appropriate.
The key to deal with challenging thoughts, feelings and situations is not to resist them, but to accept their existence as completely as you can. When you do this, you can then ask yourself, “ Given that this is the situation, what now? Moving ahead, how can I create what I want?”
Through acceptance you empower yourself to release, to heal and to transform any unresolved mental or emotional material. Accept what you think and feel; accept what is happening to you especially when it is uncomfortable to do so.
When you stop resisting, the discomfort stops. You may still feel intense sensations, but it is depending on how much you are resisting. Once you stop resisting, you will find you are much more effective in creating any external change you may prefer, but not attached to. Try this for a day, then a week then a month. It will become a habit and you will see amazing results. Until next time I wish you peace, love and success. Martin Acton sensei